After a brief email advising Carolyn of my illness, Carolyn pours her feelings out in this email – her loneliness, getting old and losing her memory, insecurity about a bill and finances, not seeing John and touching gratitude for our “relationship”. This moved me.
From: Carolyn Cassady
Sent: Saturday, June 30, 2012 6:59 AM
To: Peebler, David
Subject: Boo hoo
How awful! What trials you had and are having with that body! My heart bleeds. How I hope some help is in reach, and you will be fit again SOON!
I hate to be sick, and thank God, I rarely am. Last year I got a dreadful cold—can’t think how. You have to get those from contact, and I never am near another person except on the weekly shopping trip for food, but I don’t get close. Anyway, it was a big bother (as they say here). Now I have a skin problem with welts that are painful and if accidentally touched, I go thru the roof. Bah, enuf. I thank God or whatever every day for what health I have and that I can still stand and walk a bit. Now it’s the mind I worry about more. My memory is gone – I think I’ve read that when old, you can remember the long past but not yesterday, and that seems the case. Boof! I was praying to be allowed to go thru “God’s other door”, I think I told you, but now some outfit wants to make a film of my book, Off The Road, so I must hang around to advise on that—lord knows how long! They are doing the everlasting search for funding. Good luck. Maybe when Walter’s film of ONTR comes out, things might pick up. I hope I do.
Now why would I think you “weird” for wishing we’d known each other earlier? I wish the same. Still, I am grateful to meet a kindred spirit now. I have no friends close to me here, so words on paper have to suffice, and they are my mainstay. And, alas, the saviour here is not on my wave length, so we share very little—only meals, actually. At least he likes—or eats—what I give him. He is more sustained by beer. Just as well I have funds to cover. He stays up late at night (electric bill soaring) and sleeps in the day. I am so eager for John to get here. He does share my interests and most time spans. His passport should be returned now, but the wheels turn slowly if at all. What a world!
Ah well, time marches on. At least our weather is perfect, and I love looking out at all the green around me, even if some needs attention. I’d be happier with a gardener, but one makes do.
Babble babble. I just want to send you wishes for your recovery. I’m grateful you can write some; your letters sustain my sanity, too.
From: Peebler, David
Sent: Monday, July 02, 2012 1:41 PM
To: ‘Carolyn Cassady’
RE: Boo hoo
I’m back! In the last 4‐5 weeks, I have had kidney stones, a perianal abscess, bronchitis and gout. I swear, I tuned 50 in February and the wheels seem to be coming off the bus, so to speak. That said, I now feel very good and that’s all that matters! Thank you for your kind words, by the way.
Dyan and the kids are away at my step‐mother’s estate in Idaho. Wednesday is the Fourth of July and they’re having a blast riding horses, going on the gondola and swimming. It gives me a week of blissful alone time and I absolutely LOVE it! I’m reading, seeing movies in the cinema and organizing. And, at times, doing nothing whatsoever outside of just being with my own thoughts. As I’ve written to you before, my job is slowly eating my soul, so having time to myself is not just nice, it’s essential to my sanity. Our correspondence, with your keen insight and wisdom, also serves to ground me.
That is fantastic news that there is interest in making On The Road a movie! It is such a good and important book that the world NEEDS it made into a movie! Yes, quit praying to move on to the afterlife, it will be here in its good time, but before that day arrives the world needs you, whether you know it or not. I see your book as one of the most important ever written on what really went down with these great individuals. You have provided us with such a gift! Also, remember that you can’t go until John gets there and understands what he needs to do as Executor of your estate. Lots to live for, Carolyn, dear!
Speaking of your book and gifts, please do not forget to inscribe a copy for me. I provided you with my address in an earlier email, but here it is again, just in case:
I am in NO HURRY, just wanted you not to forget on accident. I am of course most appreciative from my the bottom of my heart.
That’s it from me for now. I have tomorrow and Wednesday off, but will be back here on Thursday, rested and ready.
PS: Here is a stylized picture of me, so you can put a face to my name…
Sadly there are only a few posts remaining from the cessation of interaction. Luckily, I cherished every one of them, both then and now. Peace and wishes for a wonderful pre-Christmas weekend.